The begining

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Selfish

When I sit back and I look at the way my life has panned out.. IT definitely wasn't what I expected or even planned at that.. I have no regrets.. I just wish I would have continued to follow my dreams and not lost myself along the way. I mean there is nothing more rewarding then waking up each morning to the sound of young children calling you mummy no matter how bad you want to just put the pillows over your head and make it all go away at times you still will have nothing more rewarding to wake up to.. because one day when they do grow up and move out and on you will only await the times they call you on the phone. What I mean about losing myself is one day I was a fun person without a care in the world.. living my life for me... I no longer live my life for me.. (as I shouldn't completely since I became a mum)but I have noticed recently that I wanted to become a bit selfish and take time out to live for me. Not for my husband.. not for my kids.. Just a tiny tiny bit of life I wanted to live for me.. I was told that being that selfish isn't right. I should be happy and blessed with what I have and don't get me wrong I am.. COMPLETELY but I don't work outside the home and I felt that I deserved to be just a tiny bit selfish for the first time in nearly 10 years..... I didn't think I was wrong for it but I felt sooooo damn guilty because others were no longer able to get all of me. So in the end who were the selfish ones??

Monday, August 28, 2006

Just the start

This is all new to me. I have decided to do this for many reasons....Just have yet to figure them all out. I know it is just something that I wanted to try out and maybe somewhere along the line something that I write might help another individual or some individual may help me. I know that reading some of Tammy Lynn Etheridge (michaels) posts have inspired me, made me cry and actually helped me through some rough times in my life or actually made me feel that no matter how famous you become... People are real reguardless and have just as many bad times as good times so hopefully she randomly reads other blogs and comes across this one and can see.... I am really appericative of what she has said in some of her posts. So hopefully this is a new start for me, an outlet, something that I can turn to when I have nothing else left to do.